Where's the Dipstick? - Complicated versus Complex

The current issue of Car and Driver magazine has an item that illustrates the distinction between COMPLICATED and COMPLEX.

Apparently BMW, like Mercedes, has done away with a time-honored part of every internal combustion engine, the humble dipstick. Since engines generate a lot of heat and friction, they need oil to lubricate teh moving parts inside. You know about going to Jiffy Lube every few months to get the oil changed. But in between, you can - or could - check the oil level yourself by taking a look at the dipstick.

Our friend the dipstick works on a very simple basis. Put a stick into a tank of liquid, pull it out, and see how high up the level of wetness goes. In our engines, the dipstick resides in a scabbard, its tip down in the depths of the oil reservoir. It awaits our gesture to loose its thin steel blade, and look for the tell-tale mark of golden oil. Too low? Add a quart. About all you need to make this a complete process is a rag or paper towel to wipe the dipstick clean before taking your "official" reading.

But now, those crafty Alpine engineers at Mercedes and BMW have eliminated the dipstick. Did you feel the earth move? Did the stock market tumble in a cataclysmic fury? Maybe not. But maybe it should have. In order to know the level of oil in your precious German auto's crankcase, you must take the car to your authorized dealer. They then drain the oil, measure it, decide if you need more, and then pour it back in. Of course, the dealer will tell you that you CAN check your oil by looking at the in-car computer. However this just checks pressure in the system, not actual quantity.

Now I know what you're thinking. This can't possibly be true. Must be an urban legend. Well, sadly, it is true. The crafty Alpine engineers have created an astonishingly COMPLICATED and I daresay COSTLY process for something that every car owner had the unalienable right to do for themselves with a single stroke of the stick. How much time and money are consumed by making those redundant computers? How much time and money are wasted by making the owners of all those Autobahnstormers bring their cars in for an oil check.

However complicated this process is, it is not COMPLEX. We can follow the path of the new process from beginning to end. It always works out the same. Pay your money, add a quart. Got oil? Pour it back in and thank the gods of Vallhalla for this latest stroke of genius. And say farewell to the once-mighty dipstick.

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